So I was at work today...

...and I was deciding what music to play during my shift. And as anyone who knows me knows that music has a special little niche in my life, this was not exactly the easiest decision for me to make. Either way that's not the point. Here's the point... I through in Mike Doughty's album Houghty Melodic. (/Aside) Those of you who remember a small band from the nineties named Soul Coughing will recognize him as he is the lead singer of that tremendous band. Soul Coughing was incredibly quirky and innovative and I loved them for it. Interested parties will want to grab thier album Ruby Vroom. So good (/Aside). Anyways I put his newest cd on and it was just like listening to it for the first time. It opens with one of the catchiest songs I've heard in quite a while and I actually think that it got some radio play.... AAAAHHHHH! The song in question being Looking at the World From the Bottom of a Well. But what really stuck out was how great of a lyricist Mr. Doughty is. He is extremely poetic and I think that Ben Folds put it best when he said, "There's just as much rock and roll in his poetry as there is poetry in his rock and roll".

Anyways I think that I'll share some of the lyrics that really jumped out at me...

"Slain by the words I lack
My world is bursting sappy music and
With the face so sad I long to make you mine"

"My circus train pulls through the night
Full of lions and trapeze artists
I'm done with elephants and clowns
I want to
Run away and join the office"

"Sunken-eyed girl in the sandwich shop
Ladle my soup from the kettle pot, so
Swoony my self with the smolder looks
Parsing that gaze for the right intention"

"I'm fucking starved for love
I deeply need to feel connection with the infinite
I want the nourishment
I need to drink it just like water, and it will sustain me"

Take that last one as a segue. The song that that is from is called His Truth is Marching On. If you want a take on his faith lookie here . Either way it makes my day when a person, such as Mike here, can write such a beautiful song about God and searching him. And yet it depresses me that I tend not to find songs like this in artists that are outspoken in their Christian faith. I guess that's why I'm so cynical of "mainstream Christianity". From what I see they throw the Christian label on it because they know if they do them Christians will buy it up. If you've ever seen the South Park episode on Christian Music then you'll know what I mean when I say that I couldn't have said it better myself. But then again I can't be too cynical as we do have Sufjan .

So to sum it up... go listen to some Mike Doughty... I think that you can here a few songs on his blog if you search around. I linked to it earlier if you didn't catch that.

Currently listening to... The Sunset Tree (album) by The Mountain Goats
Currently reading... Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton

School Etc.

So, week 2 and half of week 3, I ended up slacking more than I really cared to in one of my classes, so this week is the official "GET ON THE FREAKIN' BALL, MAN!" part of my life for this class. I'd like to say that how busy I was got in the way, and I'm sure it did once or twice... but that would probably be out of say.... 500. Anyways, I have the time during the day, (between my classes and such), to get on it. So that's what this week is going to be all about for me.... maximization of the time that I have. I'll let you know if it works or not.

In other news I gave a talk at crusade last Thursday. And I think that it went really really well. My talk was on relationships that we have with non-beleivers. I heard that I was really passionate about it while speaking which is something that I really wanted to convey. Too much of crusades membership is on the hang out with Christians all the time and do evangelism in an outreach or whatnot. I wanted to shift their focus. I think that I did. The way that we live our lives will show non-beleivers what our life, and for that matter, life in general is all about. I just wanted to let people know that we should be spending our time with those who need a physician and not as much with the healthy. Not to say that our relationships with other Christians are not valuable, but in a way since you have the common ground of God less time should be needed to connect on a deeper level and that would be the most time consuming part of any new friendship. Either way I really have a heart for those who do not know Christ and simply want to share love with them. The kind of love that God showed me.

Which brings me to another topic... sort of. The bible says that there is no greater love that to lay down your life for a friend (paraphrase), and since Jesus layed down his life for all even the sinners and those who hated him what does that say about God's love for us. I don't know why, but I've always thought that this would be an easy thing to do. Maybe, because I have hope in salvation. But if I have no problem with laying down my life that one may live, why do I have such a problem with sharing the good news that one may live? Why is faith so hard to talk about? Why? I would like to think that I am not ashamed in what I believe but my actions speak volumes about my faith, for faith without works is dead. Anyways, what I'm getting at is that it has been so much easier this year for me to bring up spiritual matters. It feels like I'm finally starting to come into my own in my life with who I am in Christ. It's exciting! I'm not even close, by any means, to where I want/should be but I'm getting there and I like it.

Listening to... Disintegration - Jimmy Eat World
Currently Reading... Real Sex - Lauren F. Winner

P.S. Why is it that I find my new favorite song is a song about a disintegrating relationship when I just went though what I went through and feel great about my relationship now? I just think that it's humorous.

I need another alarm clock

This would be the second day this week that I have slept though my first class due to my annoying habit of turning off my alarm clock in a semi-slumber daze. I think I need another, that would help right? I'll put it away from the bed so that I can't reach it and I'd have to get up and turn it off. Yeah, that'll work great. But where to get it? I could always venture down to the ole' Walmart, sell my soul, and get a crappy one cheaper than anywhere else. But I'm not too keen on the selling of my soul and would like to do that as little as possible. So where can I go. Houghton is so small and I'm not even sure where I could get one at, (besides hitting another chain like Shop-Ko). That's the sorry state of living in a town that has a Walmart and said Walmart has driven off all kinds of local business. An alarm clock, WTF mate? Maybe I'll go to the campus store at least I'm keeping my cash in the school system then. Sigh.

On another note, while the move back to the dorms has been really weird, in many senses of the word, I'm mainly adjusting well. Well, except for the meal aspect of things. I miss cooking myself dinner. I need to venture off campus more often and get myself some home cooked dinner. I think I'm going to do that tonight. Alex had mentioned maybe doing dinner; I think I'll give him a call.

Listening to... My Number (Single) by Tegan and Sara
Currently Reading... Real Sex by Lauren F. Winner

... But Sometimes It Just Does

So I guess this is the first my life sucks post on this blog. Hopefully these will be few and far between. So.... Sunday night I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 2 years. I just felt like I couldn't give her all that she deserved. That I didn't have enough to give to the relationship. I felt like the long term relationship put pressure on me and it felt like a burden, and a relationship shouldn't feel that way... so I ended it. I called a friend over and we talked it over and he understood where I was coming from and didn't think that I was insane or anything for doing this. But, at the same time this is the girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with and I know this to be true. So the question around 3 in the morning on monday morn. that I was rolling around with was: "Do I end a relationship that I know that I want to continue for the rest of my life because at the time I feel like I can't give enough to it or do I stick it out and give what I can because there is no one I would rather be with?" Well round abouts of 3:45 in the morn I decided that sticking it out would be the best option since I could not see myself with anyone else and I love her more than I have loved anyone ever and I could not deal with causing her that much pain. So, I e-mailed her and let her know this. Well, come the next day I'm sweating because it's ridiculously humid out and I haven't heard back yet. Then she jumps on IM.... and she forgives me... Never have I felt more relieved. So while my world was turned upside down for about 12 hours it's back and all the tense weeks, (2), that led up to this are history. I don't know how awkward it will be because of this but I know I'm where I should be.

On a completely unrelated note, one of the most important things in my life is music... so I think I'm going to throw what I happen to be listening to at the bottom of each post and eventually a song or few. Sometimes it will be a song and sometimes it will be an album. It will show up at the end like this.... (look at the end). I'll also put down what I happen to be reading at the time. I love to read and sometimes I don't feel I do it enough, but just maybe by putting it on here it will make me read more. And I think that I'll do a review of each book as I finish.... more on what it meant to me and less on it's literary value. You'll probably find this where the music will be. So yeah.....

Listening to... XO (Album) - Elliott Smith
Currently Reading... Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity - Lauren F. Winner

Church

So, it's been a while since I've been back to the Catholic church, I had been bouncing around a lot, but I went today and it was exactly what I needed. I need a liturgy in my service. I need readings from the bible and not simply and passage and looking at it for a bit. I need the songs that I sung today. I need communion every week and not simply once a month. I need that atmosphere to truly worship in the way that I feel that I can best glorify God through. It was wonderful, refreshing, beautiful, and moving. It was worship. I still don't know how I feel about some of the finer points, some of the doctrine, of the church. But I do know that the main things are right and that I can truely worship and praise God there, so I think that I'm going to be going there for a little while. I also want to crack open my catechism and bible and really find out what I believe about some of the finer points of the church. I'm excited about my faith. It's refreshing.

Friends

Right now is pretty rough for me. I guess that I have the opposite problem of many people. I simply cannot find enough time to hang out and converse with everyone that I want to. Maybe this is a beginning of the semester thing that will pass but for now it seems like I am starting so many new friendships and I just don't have time for them, no matter how desperately I want time for them. The thing is I don't want something that could become a truely special friendship to fall by the wayside because I don't have time. I need to get out of my job, Free up some time and get sane. I need to become more organized, so I can get the most out of my time that I do have. Oh well, I guess that the opposite problem would be worse.... for me at least.

Passion

So.... I just got back from praise band practice and I just have so much energy right now. It's something about worship that is so passionate and so real that is just infectious. I couldn't be more excited about TNT tomorrow.... Now comes some explanation. I am involved with campus ministry at Michigan Tech through Campus Crusade for Christ. I sing in their praise band... not great but passable. I also lead a bible study through CCC. It really is a great way for me to grow closer to God and do what I'm passionate about. Okay, explaination through, now we can get back to everything else. I'm currently reading a book called Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, and I read this section that I will share with you that I believe to be very profound and something I need to try and live more like. "But the trouble with deep belief is that it costs something. And there is something inside me, some selfish beast of a selfish thing that doesn't like the truth at all because it carries responsibility, and if I actually beleive these things I have to do something about them." I want so badly to live as I want to believe.... if that makes any sense at all. Putting my faith into a true practice and way of life. I think that is what I love about Crusade. It gives me an outlet to live that life..... scratch that I don't like how that sounds. Faith is not something that should be released in a specific outlet, it should be an overflow in all of life. But, I guess what I'm trying to say is that Crusade aids me in living a faith led life. Yet, I still can't yet fight the nervousness and apprehension with being outspoken of my faith... It seems as when I speak of it that I try to play it down. I cannnot do that, for my God, my Lord, my Savior, Jesus Christ is not something that should be played down. My God is the reason that I'm hear and the reason for all that I do, and I'm ashamed for the times that I have played him down. So, I pray for confidence and boldness to proclaim his name when the opportunity arises, for by myself, I am unable of such a deed. So... that just kind of came out. Ahhhh..... all I can say is that I love life.